If you aren’t an experienced lover, or a confident one, it’s entirely possible that you are avoiding sexual activity because of fear of rejection or fear of intimacy.
This is quite understandable, because it is when we are a sexual relationship that we lay our souls most vulnerable to other people, and for those who have been wounded in childhood the pain of exposing themselves and being hurt can be so great that they avoid intimate relationships.
Nonetheless, it also entirely true that the human being is a social animal and to feel complete needs social connection with other humans.
At its most profound, a relationship can provide a sense of purpose and belonging in the world which is essential for mental health.
It is also true that for relationships be entirely successful, the sexual aspect of intimacy must be functioning to the satisfaction of both members of the partnership.
It’s ironic, therefore, that there is no way that a relationship can be more challenging than on the sexual front: the potential for difficulty is immense, with men subject to difficulties such as premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and worries about sexual performance, and with women experiencing self-doubt around their bodies, possibly low sexual drive, and often a lack of orgasmic capacity.
There is however a cure for each of these difficulties: for men who want to last longer during sex, training programs are available, just as they are for women who want to become orgasmic.
My advice would be to get help with any sexual difficulties that you may be experiencing so that these do not interfere with the formation of a long-term relationship.
The reality is that any couple who live together will experience sexual problems from time to time, and the cause of these can be one of any number of problems such as illness, a breakdown in communication, a loss of interest in sex due to life events such as stress or giving birth, or an accumulation of resentments in the relationship.
In any of these situations, problems begin to escalate very rapidly. When either one or both of the partners in an intimate relationship are finding they have reduced sexual desire, or they are experiencing some challenges in becoming physically aroused, or they are having problems with rapid ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, or non-existent orgasms, it is advisable to get help because such problems rarely improve of their own accord.
In some cases they made actually be a physical reason for the development sexual dysfunction, the doctor can help: but there are also many sexual problems that are entirely due to emotional or psychological issues, and in these situations there is usually a combination of factors at work.
It’s also important to remember that sexual relationship is a very good indicator of the state of the couples wider relationship, which means that when there are sexual difficulties there are often difficulties in the relationship in nonsexual areas.
One clear example of this is when people find that their desire has decreased: this is often caused by unspoken anger, sense of resentment, or a sheer loss of intimacy between the two individuals.
Strangely enough, lowered sexual interest has a devastating effect on a relationship, you would think that people would get help for it: the reality is rather different – it is often the most secret part of any relationship, and one which people are extremely reluctant to admit to.
Only when these deep feelings have been expressed in some kind of therapeutic process has been applied that will resolve them with a couple find that there intimate erotic connection has been re-established.
Even so, it’s important to remember that loss of desire may be due to something such as withdrawal from prescription drugs, or use of prescription drugs, or bereavement, stress, or overwork.