A crucial point that needs to be emphasized is that orgasm or the perception of reaching orgasm during sex is a mental event – it all happens in the mind, even though overwhelmingly pleasurable bodily sensations that are also experienced.
When men and their partners attempt to dig deeper into the concept of delayed ejaculation, the tendency is to lump orgasm and ejaculation together. Contrary to generally accepted perceptions, orgasm and ejaculation are two thoroughly separate functions!
Ejaculation, as you undoubtedly know, is a purely physical reaction which is induced by repetitive pleasurable physical contact to the penis and other pleasure points elsewhere in the body. Much research is still needed to find where sexual orgasm occurs within the brain, but we do know a significant lot about the synaptic connections by which the reflex response of ejaculation is precipitated.
For those who are interested, one theory is that when sexual arousal reaches a near-climactic threshold, the flow of semen into the end of the the urethra concentrates the pressure at the root of the erect organ, and this in turn triggers a whole series of physical responses including movement of the pubococcygeal muscle.
The autonomic nervous system is in control as far as ejaculation is concerned, while sexual arousal is controlled by the voluntary nervous system.
Delayed ejaculation has been known to the medical profession for years now, and evolution of the name used to identify this peculiar function most likely mirrors in a very real sense, the scientific community’s evolving attitude to this function: ejaculatory incompetence, ejaculatory over-control, retarded ejaculation, and finally delayed ejaculation.
Personally, I’m convinced that these changing names illustrate a gradually increasing level of respect for the men who are having relationship issues with their partners owing to their inability to ejaculate in a timely way during sex.
What is particularly puzzling to medical professionals is that most of delayed ejaculation (click here) sufferers are able to climax regularly when they are pleasuring themselves. This unusual reaction has led many scientists to speculate that there might be a correlation between a sex partner’s relationship status with the inability to reach orgasm and ejaculate. However, one must be a little bit cautious about attempting to find an explanation in the dynamics between a man and his partner.
It’s highly likely that a man’s apparent inability to ejaculate during oral sex with a partner, intercourse with a partner, or even masturbation by a partner, merely represents the fact that none of these arrangements provide a higher degree of stimulation that a man may be accustomed to perform on his own penis while masturbating on his own.
It’s obvious that the body can be conditioned to get used to these high levels of stimulation, so it’s inherently logical to initially find out whether or not the problem in ejaculating simply lies in the fact that the man by himself, can perform hard, rough, or high-frequency stroking during self stimulation, in a way that is not mirrored in the course of sexual intercourse with a partner.
If the problem is, in fact, triggered by a simple mismatch in techniques, the cure will be in the form of retraining the body, the sex organ and the brain, to acquiesce to much more gentle stimulation that can eventually result to a climax in the course of sexual activity.
In many instances, therapists and counsellors more often than not, adopt the position that the dynamics between the partners is the primary cause of delayed ejaculation.
As a matter of fact, there’s enough basis for this line of thinking. I have been acquainted with numerous couples in which a gradually rising attitude of hostility has diminished intimacy to the point where a man no longer finds enjoyment in intercourse, and sees it as a burden, whilst simultaneously finding himself powerless to reach out to his partner and start a rational conversation to find a mutually acceptable solution to these difficulties.
Moreover, even without resentment, antagonism, or any other emotion on the part of the male towards the woman, there may well be a particular type of personality who is predisposed to delayed ejaculation.
Based on the latest scientific journals, this personality profile appears to be a man who is somehow strangely unaware of his own process of sexual arousal, who frequently is unaware of how aroused he is during sexual activity, who looks at sexual activity as some obligation for which he is responsible, who regards himself as responsible for his female partner’s pleasure, and who believes that her pleasure must come before anything else and is the priority during sex. These personalities often, whether consciously or not, regard themselves as the “mighty purveyor of sex”, grinding on (pointlessly at times) to steer the sexual intercourse to a satisfying climax.
An important observation in this arrangement is that most of the partners of men in this situation tend to be unmotivated when it comes to sex, and have an expectation that the male is implicitly obligated to bring them sexual gratification. The truth is, they should be without a doubt responsible for their own orgasm. In instances like this, it’s absolutely advantageous to help and re-educate a couple and make available some actionable sexual information. Coached in such a way, their expectations and attitudes about sex and sexual pleasure can be now closely aligned with reality.
The single common trait of men who have this type of individual profile is that they often lack solid grasp of their personal level of pleasure. In a very real sense, there seems to be some kind of disconnect, or a blank space, in the sexual experience, in such a way that they have come to associate their internal process of sexual pleasure with the outside dynamics of engaging in intercourse with a partner.
What I mean by this is that their own erotic world normally doesn’t serve as a source of sexual stimulus and gratification: they are marooned in a frustrating cloud of sexual confusion where they are trying to engage in finding the best sex positions without the emotional and physiological tools that are important for it to be a pleasurable and intimate experience.