Delayed Ejaculation

best sex positionsA crucial point that needs to be emphasized is that orgasm or the perception of reaching orgasm during sex is a mental event – it all happens in the mind, even though overwhelmingly pleasurable bodily sensations that are also experienced.

When men and their partners attempt to dig deeper into the concept of delayed ejaculation, the tendency is to lump orgasm and ejaculation together. Contrary to generally accepted perceptions, orgasm and ejaculation are two thoroughly separate functions!

Ejaculation, as you undoubtedly know, is a purely physical reaction which is induced by repetitive pleasurable physical contact to the penis and other pleasure points elsewhere in the body. Much research is still needed to find where sexual orgasm occurs within the brain, but we do know a significant lot about the synaptic connections by which the reflex response of ejaculation is precipitated.

For those who are interested, one theory is that when sexual arousal reaches a near-climactic threshold, the flow of semen into the end of the the urethra concentrates the pressure at the root of the erect organ, and this in turn triggers a whole series of physical responses including movement of the pubococcygeal muscle.

The autonomic nervous system is in control as far as ejaculation is concerned, while sexual arousal is controlled by the voluntary nervous system.

Delayed ejaculation has been known to the medical profession for years now, and evolution of the name used to identify this peculiar function most likely mirrors in a very real sense, the scientific community’s evolving attitude to this function: ejaculatory incompetence, ejaculatory over-control, retarded ejaculation, and finally delayed ejaculation.

representation of delayed ejaculationPersonally, I’m convinced that these changing names illustrate a gradually increasing level of respect for the men who are having relationship issues with their partners owing to their inability to ejaculate in a timely way during sex.

What is particularly puzzling to medical professionals is that most of delayed ejaculation (click here) sufferers are able to climax regularly when they are pleasuring themselves. This unusual reaction has led many scientists to speculate that there might be a correlation between a sex partner’s relationship status with the inability to reach orgasm and ejaculate. However, one must be a little bit cautious about attempting to find an explanation in the dynamics between a man and his partner.

It’s highly likely that a man’s apparent inability to ejaculate during oral sex with a partner, intercourse with a partner, or even masturbation by a partner, merely represents the fact that none of these arrangements provide a higher degree of stimulation that a man may be accustomed to perform on his own penis while masturbating on his own.

It’s obvious that the body can be conditioned to get used to these high levels of stimulation, so it’s inherently logical to initially find out whether or not the problem in ejaculating simply lies in the fact that the man by himself, can perform hard, rough, or high-frequency stroking during self stimulation, in a way that is not mirrored in the course of sexual intercourse with a partner.

If the problem is, in fact, triggered by a simple mismatch in techniques, the cure will be in the form of retraining the body, the sex organ and the brain, to acquiesce to much more gentle stimulation that can eventually result to a climax in the course of sexual activity.

In many instances, therapists and counsellors more often than not, adopt the position that the dynamics between the partners is the primary cause of delayed ejaculation.

stop watch used to measure intravaginal ejaculatory latency timeAs a matter of fact, there’s enough basis for this line of thinking. I have been acquainted with numerous couples in which a gradually rising attitude of hostility has diminished intimacy to the point where a man no longer finds enjoyment in intercourse, and sees it as a burden, whilst simultaneously finding himself powerless to reach out to his partner and start a rational conversation to find a mutually acceptable solution to these difficulties.

Moreover, even without resentment, antagonism, or any other emotion on the part of the male towards the woman, there may well be a particular type of personality who is predisposed to delayed ejaculation.

Based on the latest scientific journals, this personality profile appears to be a man who is somehow strangely unaware of his own process of sexual arousal, who frequently is unaware of how aroused he is during sexual activity, who looks at sexual activity as some obligation for which he is responsible, who regards himself as responsible for his female partner’s pleasure, and who believes that her pleasure must come before anything else and is the priority during sex. These personalities often, whether consciously or not, regard themselves as the “mighty purveyor of sex”, grinding on (pointlessly at times) to steer the sexual intercourse to a satisfying climax.

An important observation in this arrangement is that most of the partners of men in this situation tend to be unmotivated when it comes to sex, and have an expectation that the male is implicitly obligated to bring them sexual gratification. The truth is, they should be without a doubt responsible for their own orgasm. In instances like this, it’s absolutely advantageous to help and re-educate a couple and make available some actionable sexual information. Coached in such a way, their expectations and attitudes about sex and sexual pleasure can be now closely aligned with reality.

The single common trait of men who have this type of individual profile is that they often lack solid grasp of their personal level of pleasure. In a very real sense, there seems to be some kind of disconnect, or a blank space, in the sexual experience, in such a way that they have come to associate their internal process of sexual pleasure with the outside dynamics of engaging in intercourse with a partner.

What I mean by this is that their own erotic world normally doesn’t serve as a source of sexual stimulus and gratification: they are marooned in a frustrating cloud of sexual confusion where they are trying to engage in finding the best sex positions without the emotional and physiological tools that are important for it to be a pleasurable and intimate experience.

The Importance Of Being Attractive

It’s an unfortunate, and in some ways politically incorrect, factThat attractiveness plays a major part in forming an ending relationships. In my practice as a councillor, I’ve come across many relationships were sexual issues really took second place to simple issues of physical attractiveness stop in many cases this was because after several years of relationship or steady and stable marriage, a man stopped “courting” or, if you prefer, “wooing” his female partner.

It’s my belief that to be sexually attracted to a man, woman needs to feel wanted, and she needs to feel emotionally connected to him. Therefore, any man that stops making the effort to seduce, attract, woo, call it what you will, His partner, is effectively putting a nail in the coffin of the relationship.

But of course the problem extends in the opposite direction as well: that is to say that women, who find themselves in a stable relationship, where their emotional needs are met, and everything is very comfortable, may stop trying to seduce their man by making themselves attractive, looking sexy, and using all the feminine wiles that enable women to capture the attention, emotions, and even the heart and soul of a man.

And the fact of the matter is, in my experience women feel a lot better about themselves that they retain their attractiveness, and if they continue to take an effort to make themselves physically appealing. The trouble is of course that these days such sentiments are looked upon with disfavour in many quarters, and obesity in particular has become almost commonplace. And yet at the same time the plethora of diet plans available to deal with this problem strongly suggest that most people are actually quite unhappy about being overweight. One of the ones that actually works is the Venus diet plan, which promises to enable you to lose 12 pounds in 10 weeks, and works by using body biochemistry in a natural way.

I don’t mean that in any kind of disparaging way, because feminine wiles are all part of the natural mating game between men and women. What makes this game both stimulating, exciting and rewarding the couple concerned is that they have all the skills necessary to enjoy the dating, establishing a relationship, and driving a relationship forward into hopefully a sexual relationship.

One of the things that counts for a great deal here is obtaining useful and viable information advice, from an expert. One of the experts that I recommend to all of my clients is Michael Fiore, a man who has vast experience of dealing with dating and relationship advice to women. His program Capture Your Heart and Love Him Forever is one of the most well-known on the Internet, and covers all kinds of situations, difficulties and challenges. For example, Information and advice about what how men think, how men feel, and what makes them interested in woman, is all part of the program. If you as a woman need to obtain advice that isn’t about sexual relationships, but is about dating and meeting a man, then this is probably one of the best sources of information that you can obtain anywhere.

 

Premature and Delayed Ejaculation Compared

In recent years, some leading scientific publications and researchers seem to acknowledge that it would be helpful to greatly enhance the accepted definition of premature ejaculation into various classifications. This would help to differentiate involuntary, uncontrollable premature ejaculation from any other kind of premature ejaculation.

Based on numerous pieces of research, scientists have concluded with high levels of certainty that inborn or lifelong premature ejaculation refers to a condition that has obviously been present since a man’s initial sexual encounters, in adolesce or later. Acquired premature ejaculation is a comparatively ne expression that scientists employ to identify premature ejaculation that has an onset years after that first sexual experience.

There is likewise a 3rd type, a new variation, which has been called “premature-like ejaculatory dysfunction”. This refers to a condition found in some men, who sometimes climax too quickly during sex or during sexual intercourse, but who are usually able to time their climax with a reasonable degree of control and level of success.

Differentiating quickly between these different manifestations of premature ejaculation helps to quickly separate men who actually have an some serious sexual dysfunction from others who do not have a similar or particularly the same condition, but wrongly and mistakenly perceive that their performance during sex is unsatisfactory and possibly embarrassing.

One of the reasons that this new classification regimen has gained favor is the unsubstantiated suggestion that the level of dysfunctional premature ejaculation, as opposed to what has been termed premature-like ejaculatory dysfunction (a man’s erroneous understanding that he is not good in bed) is as low as 2% of men in the general male population. Such low estimate obviously needs to be reconciled with counselors’ experience with male clients.

Speaking as a counselor and therapist with many years of experience among male sexuality, I’m 100% thoroughly convinced that premature ejaculation is, in fact, a very real affliction and even a sexual disorder that is experienced by at least 50 percent of the men in the wider population.

And so it becomes clear that if premature ejaculation is experienced by half the population, then alleviating the problem successfully requires  a satisfactory definition with exact criteria to identify the symptoms of this medical disorder.

In the case of premature ejaculation, specific, repeatable criteria are hard to come by. What, for example, would be the average duration of intercourse? Each sexually active and involved couple clearly have a different sense  of what they want from sexual intercourse.

To say that PE involves some fairly randomly derived timing of – let us say three minutes or less – before the man ejaculates during intercourse would appear meaningless if the partners themselves are quite happy with the man’s performance in their sexual relationship.

That is unquestionably why definitions have been promulgated and refer to personal dissatisfaction or relationship disharmony caused by early ejaculation or inability to prolong the duration of sex before the moment of climax during intercourse. Yet this too is evidently unrealistic.

Emotional discord may be developing subtly in the relationship, and sexual compatibility between both partners, the male and the female partner, may become the tempestuous center of this dissatisfaction.

Moreover, it’s pretty  obvious that for couples who enjoy engaging in long foreplay which involves female orgasm before sexual intercourse – before the moment of actual penetration – the impact of rapid ejaculation and the emotional and situational resentment that it sometimes engenders, is going to be much less of a problem that it would be when a couple eschew foreplay and rush to the moment of penetration much earlier. Now, contrast this with delayed ejaculation. This is a condition where the man, cannot ejaculate during intercourse, no matter how long sex may go on for. More information can be found here. Delayed ejaculation is clearly a condition caused by physiological and emotional factors working together.

How then are we to dispassionately evaluate these two sexual dysfunctions from a reasonably scientific perspective and treat them both effectively? How can a sexual therapist effectively distinguish between a sexually active man who believes his sexual performance to be poor when, in fact, by any standard of acceptable measurement it is really normal, and a person who literally cannot stop his ejaculation and needs medical professional help or intervention? Delayed ejaculation nearly always needs professional help, it should be said.

In my opinion, the solution most likely revolves around discernment – a careful discrimination and examination of the symptoms. Emotional dissatisfaction alone is not a failsafe indicator of the need for treatment! Indeed, no – far from it! Nonetheless, if the sexual partners in relationship are very dissatisfied with the man’s lovemaking or his performance in bed, it may be beneficial to put forward educational information about sexual enhancements, the attitudes of male and female sexual mindsets, and explains longer and heightened foreplay methods that can help a woman to experience orgasm before interocurse begins.